you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
