Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
