On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
