Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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