Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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