hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize