Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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