Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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