Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
