I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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