Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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