the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
