he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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