This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
