she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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