help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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