I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
