he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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