Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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