i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
