after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
