it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
