You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
