so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
