Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
