he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
