wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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