how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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