and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
love makes seman taste better
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
