Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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