"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
