but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
