Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize