random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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