good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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