ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize