I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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