I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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