I faked an abortion last night.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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