drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
