Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
