My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
