You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
