then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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