New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
