i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Randomize
