I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
