One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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