just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize