I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize