you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize