I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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