Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
