we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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