So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
