Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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