I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
