My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
