apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
