You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
