I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
