I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
