there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
