wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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