Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
