i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
