Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
